Forced Social Networking!®


splash.gifThe words “Social Networking” retain healthy buzzes in most industries in the city. Everyone knows it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. When your talent, work-ethic, education, and tenacity don’t pay off, your college frat buddies just might. Nederlander’s dad owns a private investment firm and can probably get you in despite your lack of experience. Thank God you didn’t complain too much during the hazing rituals. Or maybe you get introduced to the director you’ve always admired and you know that he might put you in his next movie if you’ll just “do him the favor in return.” No matter how you attain your next job, you’ll inevitably rely on “someone who knows someone” to get that ball rolling. Social Networking is key, but it’s also time-consuming and tedious. What if it could all be done for you. Imagine never having to make that monthly check-in with “the woman you met once from the Altria Group” to make sure she even remembers your name, let alone sees your next project. It doesn’t have to be the stuff of fantasy any more.

Forced Social Networking >>>

Through a semi-illegal and questionably unethical practice knows as “BlueSnarfing” we propose to gather data from various potential users who we think may enjoy the benefits of a world in which they are not continually forced to sustain the daily charade of “interest in other people.” How does the selection process work? Fortunately that work has been done for us. We are only interested in offering our services to those who have attained and sustain a lifestyle which affords them the very technology we propose to exploit. Basically you’ve already selected yourself!

How does it work? Completely unbeknownst to you, (you could be standing in line at Starbucks!) we will gather the contact information from your Bluetooth-enabled phone including phone book and other contact list information. We will then use an (?)asterisk phone server(?) to call the first number on your list and record their response to the subsequent silence coming from our server. The next number on the list is automatically called, the first number’s initial response is played back to the new number, and the new number’s response to the old number’s prompt is recorded. This continues for however many phone numbers you may have in your contact list. The server works not only linearly, but uses every possible combination of caller and receiver until all are exhausted. Your mistress will call your Child’s school Principal! Your mother will call you drug dealer! Hilarity and good social networking are sure to ensue. What protects this egocentric universe of your orbiting contacts from completely disintegrating is anonymity and lack of proof. So although your college sweetheart calls your wife, your wife can’t track the number, even though she may recognize the voice. So-long boring dinner conversation!

The Result of this system is an invigorated phone list and a renewed sense of obligatory connectedness. The by-product of the system (what we are interested in) is the auto-generated conversations that accrue when a number recognizes that voice saying “…hello?..hello…” and responds with “Jim – Jim I can hear you.” only to be the prompt for the next number who may respond with “…Jim…who is Jim?” and subsequently “…I’m not sure…who is this…I don’t know Jim…” and so on and so on into incomprehensible madness. Each snarfed and “forcibly-networked” phone-book will attain it’s own auto-dialogue, unique to your personal and business contacts’ personality and natural temperment.

What can your phone book tell us about you?